oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
