She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
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Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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