I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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