ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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