I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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