Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
