I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
