i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He did a backflip because drugs
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