She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
