Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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