my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
