pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
