So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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