this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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