I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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