She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
