You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
