its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Life is so much better after having sex.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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