Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
