U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
