So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
