Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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