can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
