My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
