You smell like stripper and shame
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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