help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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