It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
