Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
