i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ok first of all what the fuck
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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