Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
