One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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