I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
