my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
