You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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