who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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