True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
