So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
