I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
