i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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