I puked a lego.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
