I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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