and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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