Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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