Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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