i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
