my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.