And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."