I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.