I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator