and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.