I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My hand turned me down
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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