I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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