im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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