i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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