She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
