you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
