big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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