So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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