I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
