All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
