I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
