Can Purell be used as lube?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
