don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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