you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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