whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
