an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
