tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
