I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
