Christians are straight up FREAKS
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
