His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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