I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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